What's Cookin',Good Lookin'?
The Original Recipe is up for pre-order. Flat single-use packets that fit a wallet, a dopp kit, or the drawer where nothing tall ever fits.
Pre-order the ten pack · $12First run ships December · plain packaging
The advertising department
We workshopped these for months.
Our story
Great ideas are hard to come by. We literally had to wrestle this one out of someone.
Even if we told you who, you wouldn’t believe us. The rest of the magic happened the way most good things do. With other people.
The only thing we take seriously is not taking ourselves too seriously. Have fun. Life’s too short to let anything rub you the wrong way.
Everything is better with a little extra sauce.
Not-So-Secret Recipe
Serving size 1 packet (3 mL) · 1 serving per packet
- Glide
- Long
- Heat, tingle, zing
- 0%
- Flavor
- None. Truly.
- pH
- 4.5 – 5.5
- Latex & silicone
- Compatible
- Glycerin, parabens
- None
Warning: not a condiment. Do not pour on fries, do not marinate anything, do not add to a pan sauce. Tastes like nothing because it is nothing — water, glide, and good manners.
From the merch counter
For taking our sauces to go.
The Spank You tote. Everything the corner-shop carrier bag promised — the red repeat, the smiley, the good manners — on something you are not expected to throw away at the door.
- Spank you, come again
- A straight lift from the bag you have binned a thousand times, right down to the one bold line in the middle. This one you keep.
- Have a nice day
- Down in the corner with the smiley, because the bag is considerably politer than the joke printed on it.
- Holds its own
- Boxed and cross-stitched at the handles, where a tote gives out first. Built for the grocery run, not just the photograph.
- Reads the room
- Cream and red, same as the packet. Pairs with a bottle, three cartons of singles, and a completely straight face at the checkout.
Not a condiment. We take no responsibility for what anyone reads over your shoulder on the bus.
Still in the kitchen
Eight more coming soon.
Sweet Smooth Steady, Late Night Special, Spice Up Your Night — and the napkins. Original Recipe goes first.
New from the Bed Sauce kitchen
If you love our sauces, you'll love our mints.
Bed Sauce Condom Mints. The red-and-white swirl that turns up in the bowl by the door, the coat pocket and the glovebox — because the best time to find one is long before you go looking for one.
- Peel here. Not there.
- The lid lifts back like a creamer cup. No foil corner to wrestle, no teeth, no fumbling in the dark at the worst possible moment.
- Always sunny side up
- It sits tip-up in the tray, so nobody has to squint at it and guess which way it rolls. Right way round, first time, every time.
- Flat out convenient
- Mint-sized and mint-shaped. Fits a wallet, a dopp kit and the shallow drawer where nothing tall ever fits — same as our packets.
- After-dinner mint energy
- Leave a few in the dish by the register. The joke lands about a second and a half before the product does.
Not a breath mint. Do not eat it, do not stir it into coffee, and do not leave it in the candy dish at your mother's.
Save me a seat.
One note when the first run is ready. Nothing else, ever.
Can I eat it?
No. It is legally and gastronomically not food. It will not hurt you, it will just disappoint you.
Does it tingle or warm up?
Nothing spicy, nothing minty, nothing that “activates.” Simple water-based glide, on purpose.
What shows up on my card?
A boring parent company name, and a plain brown box with no branding on the outside.